im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
