that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
