Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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