She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
