i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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