so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
