you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
