I skipped work to stalk him.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
