Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
