dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
