I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
