guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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