So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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