I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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