Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
