Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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