THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
