hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
