My room smells like vodka and shame
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She told me I should be a condom model.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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