my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
