.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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