Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
