Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
