Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
