that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
