And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
