She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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