So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
This toilet bowl is my home.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
