It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
