I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
