apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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