I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
