I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
