I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
