you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
