she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
