fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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