im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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