Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
