i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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