So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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