how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
