Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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