her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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