I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
