I'm lost and stupid without you.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
