Pants 0. Shit 1.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
