He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
