I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
