I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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