Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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