She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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